Marriage is Not a Prison

Base Photo from Inquirer

Senator Robin Padilla is on the hot seat for his comments during a discussion on marital rape. The actor-politician insisted on his belief that men have “sexual rights” over their wives. He further inquired, asking what to do if men have this natural urge or mood to do the act. “Wala ka sa mood, paano ako? … nandiyan dapat ang asawa mo to serve you (You’re not in the mood, but how about me? …your wife should be there to serve you).” It's absurd that a senator, who received a staggering 26 million votes in 2022, would utter such a statement. In this case, the concept of consent demands a more enlightened understanding.

“...ang babae ay nagpapasakop sa lalaki (a woman submits to a man),” says Sen. Padilla in hopes of asserting his belief and normalizing the idea that a man holds power over a woman’s body. He further says, “Mayroon kang sexual rights sa asawa mo. So halimbawa, hindi mo naman pinipili 'yung ‘in heat’ (You have sexual rights over your wife. For example, you did not intend to be ‘in heat’).” Does he suggest that men like him are comparable to animals? Factually, humans are not driven by instinct. Such a comparison is not only inaccurate but also dehumanizing. A man's sexual desire cannot and should not override a partner's right to bodily autonomy. A woman is not a man’s property.

Let us take other factors such as drinking and mental disorders out of the equation: will it still justify rape? No. The sexual urge may be normal, but what’s important is that men should accept this nature—the urge is not always reciprocated.

Men do experience this so-called mood in lieu of being in heat. But what concerns me the most is how Sen. Padilla implies that desire is entitlement. 

Consent is non-negotiable, even within marriage. It is defined as an agreement to do something. Consent is a fundamental right and should not be diminished by any relationship. It must be freely given, informed, and ongoing. It should never be coerced, pressured, or assumed. It is also not a one-time event. Consent is continuously communicated and re-evaluated throughout any encounter. Silence also does not equate to consent. A clear “yes” is essential.

According to a decision by The Supreme Court, “Husbands do not have property rights over their wives’ bodies. Sexual intercourse, albeit within the realm of marriage, if not consensual, is rape.” If a woman is exploited through force, or threat, or is unable to give consent, it is a crime. The court also asserts, "By marrying, [a woman] does not divest herself of the human right to an exclusive autonomy over her own body.” This means that a woman does not give up her dignity just because she chooses to marry. By respecting a woman's decision, one honors her as a living, breathing, human being. 

Moreover, Sen. Padilla's self-centered attitude is even more evident in his comments, probing with questions like "Paano naman ako? (How about me?)." This type of attitude is unethical and saddening. Unfortunately, he has a deep-seated disregard for a woman’s autonomy. 

Appallingly, Sen. Padilla’s wife, Mariel Rodriguez, appeared indifferent to the public outcry. She even posted a photo of her and Sen. Padilla kissing with the caption “Oh may consent yan ah.” The couple’s exchange in the comments section says a lot about their stance. Sen. Padilla commented “Hello babe I’m in heat,” with Rodriguez responding with “its a tie… i’m feeling hot hot hot.” Their response is both shameful and insensitive. Mockery of marital rape normalizes abusive mindsets. Traditional notions like these are harmful and perpetuate stereotypes about gender roles. 

In relationships, whether married or not, we must choose to respect, not to harm. Marriage is not a prison, nor a federation. It’s a merger — a partnership built on love, trust, and mutual respect. 

Written and produced by Gerry Alvin Germono, a grade 12 student, and the Associate and Online editor of the Angles.